Adios!

We are ready, for the most part.  I'm sure we'll forget something.

Parents are called, bags are packed (mostly) and the dog is at the petsitter's.

The game is on and our bellies are (ridiculously) full. 

Although there is always room for ice cream.

Don't forget to check in over at Kiwis and Kangaroos!  (Look right)

See you guys in a month.

Love you,
Beanie

A boy and his dog

Happy Thanksgiving

Gobble, gobble gobble.

I heard that the average American consumes roughly 5,000 calories during Thanksgiving dinner alone.  I'm pretty sure I've doubled that some years.  Especially the year we had blueberry martini's for breakfast.

Oh wait, that was my bridal shower.

This year, I just couldn't do it.

So, instead of the traditional turkey, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole that the majority of American's will be gobbling up, Mr. T and I are having pizza. 

Yep, pizza.  But not just ANY pizza.  Make-it-yourself pizza with goat cheese and real sauce and fresh veggies and hot turkey pepperoni.

I think I just chevre'd myself.

When Flash was alive, she knew that if she stared unblinkingly hung around the table long enough she'd get my crusts.  She was crazy, not dumb.

Hug your pets and loved ones, guys.  Enjoy your Thanksgiving.

Shut it, already

It seems that everyone has been twittering, blogging, facebooking about what they are thankful for.  I even saw one person instruct their friends via a status update on facebook to, "Update your status daily about things your thankful for from now until Thanksgiving".

Um, no.  Status updates aren't for realz, yo.  They are a place to pitter about stupid crap, not real life stuff.

I don't give a flying flip if your kid took a dump in his diaper nor do I care that you're going to get your nails done.  Text it to someone who cares.

Make me laugh, make me smile, make me want to post something snarky about what you just said.  Don't make me hide you and your stupid farmville requests, because I totally will. 

I have this one neighbor, we'll call her Totally Fucking Annoying Bitch (Tfab) for short.  Wait, no...I don't like how that insinuates her being fabulous.  How about: Jesus Christ Woman Get a Hobby.  Ooh, I like it.   Instead though, we'll call her Linda.

Linda is a stay at home mom to three daywalkers kids.  Truth be told, her kids are very polite and friendly, so I almost feel bad about shitting all over her, because clearly she's doing something right.

Anyway, this busy-bodied biznatch---hey, I said, almost felt bad---apparently just got the memo that social networking is the way to go because within weeks time, I got a Friend Request, a Twitter Follow Request and a Linked In request. 

I get the facebook and twitter, but linked in?  Isn't that for - you know - people who have a job?*

Oh, and her current position? 

Chairman of Dayalker #1's Daughter's Brownie Troop. 

I shit you not, this woman created a SAHM resume for herself and published it to the world.

Anywtf.

I eventually had to go into my facebook settings and block her from everything.  Like - EVERYTHING.  She posted on every single comment I made, every photo I had, every status update I put out there.  I thought, doesn't this woman have anything better to do?!

Then I realized it: no.  She doesn't. 

And that, my friends, is a fucking tragedy.

So, in the spirit of conformity, here are three things I'm thankful for right this minute:

I'm thankful that I have a life. 

I'm thankful that I have a husband who likes me and actually wants to spend time with me.

I'm thankful that I have dogs instead of kids.

Oh, and I'm thankful for new haircuts!

*I'm not saying that being a SAHM isn't a difficult job. I was referring to women who accept a paycheck for work performed outside of parental responsibility.  SAHM's rock.  I'm probably gonna be one, so pull the claws back in ladies.

Beers and penises

Token is a pretty good dog.  Aside from being a total fucking douche on occasion, he's trained and well adjusted.  We get complements all the time on what a happy dog he is.

Token is so happy in fact, that when Mr. T comes home from a trip, his little wiener comes out he's so excited.

Token's, I mean.

Not Mr. T's.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  If you haven't seen a dog penis before, you aren't missing a thing.  They look like a fleshy, wet, giant crayon.  They are disgusting.

Anywang.

Mr. T is in Vegas for a few days, with his nephews and brother.  Apparently the nephew who just turned 21 put all of his money down on the first hand they played and hit for $7,000.  

SEVEN GRAND. 

That should buy them a fuckload of lapdances a nice steak dinner.

As I was getting ready for bed last night, I heard my phone go off.  It was an email from Mr. T. 

Subject line: Guess why I got this!

I love that man.

It's here!

You know how something seems so far away for so very long and then POOF, it's here?  That's how I feel about tomorrow.

Many of you are thinking that I'm referring to my vacation. 

Many of you would be wrong.

Dead wrong.

I'm talking about New Moon, people.  Twilight - Deuce! 

I totally didn't have my priorities straight would have gone to the midnight showing, but I didn't get my tickets in time and now all the freaking tweeners will see the gloriousness before I will.

Which pisses me off.  How did they even buy the tickets? Don't you need a credit card?  Whatever, stupid spoiled asshats.  I hope your Tiger Beat cuts your tongue as you make out with the cover of Robert Pattinson.

Truth be told, this is not my favorite book of the series.  In fact, if it wasn't for Edward being the world's biggest pussy in Eclipse, this would be my least fav. 

And while I'm at it, what the what is wrong with Kristen Stewart in real life?!  She's supposed to be a fucking actress and can't even FAKE a bit of confidence for an interview?  It's absolutely painful to watch.

I'm hoping that my incessent googling casual research on the cast won't effect the way I view Bella. 

Because dudes, Bella is the bomb. 

I'm not a prayer

As in One-Who-Prays.

So I'm not going to ask you to pray. 

I am going to ask that you send thoughts, well wishes, positive vibes, healthy energy...whatever it is that you do, please send it to Anissa. 

And please send it quickly.